Dear Scabby:
Me 'n' muh bruther Earl been havin' ourselfs a set-to, an' we need yer perfessional opinion.
Muh brother Earl broke up with his girl Daisy Mae jest this mornin, and already I'm wantin' to ask her to the dance tomorrow night. Daisy Mae and Earl been datin' purt near a year, and Earl tol' me I oughta wait a week or two jest out of respect fer him.
I've always been sweet on Daisy Mae, and I don't wanna miss the chance to finally git me some of that cootchie. Should I wait, or is it okay to jest go fer it?
Whaddya say, Scabby?
Signed,
Horny in Hooterville
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Dear Horny in Hooterville:
What does yer sister Daisy Mae say? She's parta this too, an she's kinfolk, fer gawdsake!! My advice is fer Daisy Mae to clean her cootchie with a good douche before you hit it. That way, if she shows up preggers nine months from now, the kid'll be either yours or Earls, not both. It's been known to happen in close knit families such as yourselfs, with brothers and sisters sharing beds, that a kid can have two daddies if their sperm gits mixed together.
I'm sure your family tree is already tangled enuff. You don't need no nonsense like that.
Sincerely,
Dear Horny in Hooterville:
What does yer sister Daisy Mae say? She's parta this too, an she's kinfolk, fer gawdsake!! My advice is fer Daisy Mae to clean her cootchie with a good douche before you hit it. That way, if she shows up preggers nine months from now, the kid'll be either yours or Earls, not both. It's been known to happen in close knit families such as yourselfs, with brothers and sisters sharing beds, that a kid can have two daddies if their sperm gits mixed together.
I'm sure your family tree is already tangled enuff. You don't need no nonsense like that.
Sincerely,
Scabby
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