Dear Scabby -- Incestuous in Inglewood

Dear Scabby:

My adult son has become addicted to craigslist, and has turned into a real loser. He sits in front of the computer, day & night, posting, cursing, mumbling and snickering. He won't even eat his favorite "Spaghetti-O's" that I make him every night. I've been TIVOing "SpongeBob" for two weeks, but he hasn't watched a single episode. And the scariest thing is, during our special "cuddle times", he sometimes calls me Craig, instead of mommy, and he has been skipping some of our our "cuddle times" lately. I think I'm losing him.

I think his screen name is, "The Real Asshole". I've been to craigslist, and almost everyone hates him. They say lots of mean things to him and about him, and as his mommy, that hurts me. Plus, he lies a lot online. He says he's smart, but he's always been a bit on the slow side.

What can I do to get my baby back, and protect him from those meanies on craigslist?

Signed

Incestuous in Inglewood
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Dear Incestuous:

Whut is most important, Honey, an' yew already know this, is a mommy's luv fer her son, an' Ah ain't talkin' maternal luv here, if you know whut Ah mean. Ah'm a talkin' 'bout doin' the hot 'n' nasty. Gittin' jiggy.

Yew needs to git back to basics, sweetie, an show that boy whut's important in life. Yank his little butt from that computer an' give him the spankin' of his life. Not only will it punish his misbehavior, but it'll also remind him of who's boss. Plus, if he's been trained like a proper inbreeder, the spankin' will give him the stiffie of his life, and then he'll really want to give ya the lovin' he owes ya, and whut ya deserve.

Be patient, girl. A boy might stray briefly from his momma, but that bond, that luv, is too strong, 'specially in us inbreeders.

Now, go git busy. Give him the spankin' of his life. But, make sure yer sheets on the bed are clean, first. Yer gonna need 'em

Sincerely,

Scabby