Dear Scabby -- Methless in Memphis

Dear Scabby:

Me 'n' muh sister iz gittin' hitched right soon, but we dun had a set-to yestiddy, an' now I jes' ain't shure she's the one Ah wanna spend the rest of muh life with.

We wuz down to jest a couple of pipefuls of meth, an' she dun smoked 'em BOTH before I could even git mah lips on that pipe. Ah gawt right pissed fer her selfishness at smokin' all the meth, an ya wanna know whut her excuse wuz? You damn shore ain't gunna bleeve this.

Bitch said cuz she's 3 months pregnant (we ain't shore if the baby belongs to me or muh pa, but that's another letter) that she's is smokin' fer two now. Smokin' fer two!! Like the kid in her belly needs meth in the first trimester.

Ah heard they don't really need it till round about the 4th or 5th month, an' that "smokin' fer two" bullshit wuz jest an excuse to hawg all the meth.

Iz this whut ah'm lookin' forward to the rest of muh life if ah marry her?

Sincerely,

Methless in Memphis

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Dear Methless in Memphis:

Doctors differ on whether meth is required for proper development in the first trimester, or whether it can safely be delayed until the 4th or 5th month. Being a woman and the mother of two happy, healthy meth-heads mah own damn self, Ah believe ya cain't start too early. Why gamble with yer baby's (or yer pa's baby's) health?

More important, whut's really goin' on is you two lovebirds are experiencing something all-too common among us in-breeders: the very difficult transition from brother-sister to husband-wife. Talk to yer ma 'n' pa. Are they brother-sister? Ask how they managed it. If they're not kin, find someone else who is and confide yer difficulties in them. You'll probly be surprized to learn you ain't alone, that many siblings have experienced similar problems.

If, in fact, you 'n' yer sis prove to be incompatible, and you have to marry outside yer family, be prepared fer a lotta backlash from kinfolk. Ah know it's the 21st century, an' the notion of marryin' outside yer family shoulda gained wider acceptance than it has, but be patient and brave. Be a leader. Marryin' outside the clan is nuthin' to be ashamed of anymore, no matter whut yer mammy or pappy might say.

Sincerely,

Scabby